The Transition

Remember what I was talking about earlier? The ending of Chapter 3 and the start of the 4th? Well I couldn’t cut and paste them at that time because I was away from my computer but here they are for you know, raw as hell, full of mistakes and completely first draft and therefore really shaky. There will probably be spelling and grammar errors in this as well but I’ve spent an entire day staring at it so it’s all blended into one for me.

To get you up to speed, ten year old girl is walking home and has found what she initially thinks might be a human on the beach who seems to be struggling. She’s slowly got closer for a better look and the thing has grabbed her.

Do you need help?” she asked as she leaned forwards. It tried to move again but only managed a small lurch forwards. Plucking up the courage to move forward Anne held out a hand. “You probably need to move from here, the tide will be coming in soon”. The creature looked up to see Anne’s outstretched arm then, with a whip like quickness, the elongated fingers grew outwards and wrapped themselves around her ankle. They constricted as Anne lost her balance and crashed towards the surface of the sands. Tiny thorns on each of the appendages dug into her skin, drawing blood. Anne hammered her closed fist down into the arm, chunks of the wooden flesh snapped off but the grip remained tight. Before long the creature had raised its other arms which wrapped around Anne’s shoulders. With a heave she started to be dragged towards the creature. Anne screamed for help as loud as she possibly could yet there was nobody around.

The creatures slithered towards the sea with Anne still on tow. She kicked as best she could as the sea foam washed up around her legs. Within seconds her assailant had vanished into the waters. Anne took a final gulp of air as her head went under too. The sound of the seagulls flying overhead became muffled and then fell silent. As she was pulled further in the sunlight faded, giving way to the darkness.

Which then links straight into…

Chapter 4

Jamie looked down at the body. There was a gaping hole where the ribcage used to be. The neck was twisted around to such a degree that the head was almost facing the wrong way entirely. Droplets of blood were splattered across the face and all the way down to the feet. The eyes had been scratched leaving only wounds where the sockets should have been.

The feathers lay everywhere. The beak was missing.

The cat perched on top of the fence pole, licking its paw before rubbing behind the ears. It thought little of Jamie’s attitude towards the carcass on his front door step.

Are you quite finished with this?” he shouted across his garden, pointing towards the ground. The cat looked at him, narrowed his eyes and jumped off the fence to wander away.

Does that work? The bird death becomes a little more important later on, I’m trying not to just make it a throw away thing just to open a chapter. Perhaps the jump between child death and bird killing is a little too trivial.

Maybe I’m worried about stupid details far too early in this process?

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2 thoughts on “The Transition

  1. JSquared says:

    Totally works. Do it. You don’t drag it out too much to be an annoying ‘tease’, which some writers do like to do.

    • cripleh says:

      Yeah, it had to get to the point fairly quickly. I was really concerned that it was just a bit of a writing ‘trick’ which made me come across as trying too hard! 🙂

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